Life and Death. A Love Story

***Today is the 5th year anniversary of my mothers death, along with my step father who died the day before. This is the first blog I have posted for this site, Lean Into Love. I hope it connects with you, as reading it again after all this time reminds me that life is sacred and I should continue to strive to be the best human possible. I love you mom.

I walk nervously into the room. My mother has been dead for 20 min. I had just left to the local pub an hour ago with family members to have a drink for my step father who had died the day before. I get the call from my step brother Michael who was in the room with my mom, that she has just passed away. My immediate reaction is “Why was I not there”. I rush out of the pub where we were having a “cheers” to my step-father Tom. I say goodbye to my sister, foster sister and the rest of the family, who already said their goodbyes earlier in the day.

I drive over to the hospice and feel the sadness move within me, my mother is now gone. I arrive at the hospice; my uncle and aunt hug me as they leave the room and let me have my time with mom. As I sit beside her alone, I look at her lifeless body and tears well up in me. This is it, she is no longer; the person that birthed me into this world has made her final exit. I sit there for the next 3 hours alone with her. I enter into to a deep reflection of her life and inevitably my own life reflects back onto me.

Was I good enough? Was I the best son I could be? What role will I play in the family now as we move on from here. How do I live my life as I look to the future? Am I truly living a purposeful driven life? After sitting there for some time, the hard truth sets in, that I, like my mother, will end up eyes closed with breath no longer and I will be just another human that has passed through this life.

I start this blog 4 months since the passing of my mother and step-father Tom, who died a day a part from each other, both having cancer as the catalyst for their deaths. I have not written any blog for some time, yet I feel moved to do so now. I am tired of what I see in the world. I write now because I am inspired by what I see in the world.

Over the years I have read hundreds of books, watched endless videos, listen to many podcasts, gone to self-improvement workshops, travelled the world, talked with friends and strangers, walked this earth alone trying to find some sort of truth to hold on to. As I observe my fellow humans I cannot stop reflecting on the folly and absurdity of the collective life we have all presently imagined and created. I know my voice is just one of 7 billion, but I feel the urge at this time to speak.

Since my mother and Tom’s passing I realize so clearly how fragile life is and that the cliché that we are only here for a short time resonates so true. I begin to write now with a commitment to let go all that is within in me that holds me back, in the most radically transparent and honest way as I can. It is true that time is the one personal commodity that is finite. No matter what effort we put into the world we are not getting it back. I commit to using the remaining time I have on this earth wisely, as I continue to walk life’s delicate path.

What tires me about the world right now? The unnecessary wars with nuclear destruction always a possibility, the capitalistic system that has gone way beyond its limits of serving society as a whole, a human populous who now seems to be getting sicker earlier in life. A professional sports culture that distracts and demands much of our attention and money from more serious matters at hand, religious belief systems that are bumping up against each other, creating much conflict. A world where we are creating a plastic island in the Pacific Ocean as our insatiable attraction to the commodity of oil and plastic increases yearly. The endless 24 news cycle, obese children and adults, over stressed parents, debt of families. We are living in a world now where the exponential expansion of information which is enlightening as well as chaotic, is leading us down a global path that is scary, empowering, exciting and most definitely unpredictable.

I could go on about the challenges of the world, but I will digress. To be clear, my intention is not to focus just on the negative consequences of human actions, as that does not serve you nor does it serve me. As I consider myself an optimist, I see so much that inspires me and gets me energized about this life.

The human population is 7.6 billion strong. That means collectively there are 7.6 billion people here that are moving this collective culture to a place it has never seen before. There are many people that are living and striving to be more sustainable and compatible with the earths biosphere and putting their energies towards infrastructures, that will sustain us for generations to come. Woman now have more equality on this planet as a collective than ever before. People of different skin tones are far more embracing and accepting of each other than anytime in history. People of different belief systems are far more accepting of each other. Food availability is at its greatest heights today.

Most human beings on the planet now have the opportunity to educate themselves through the internet without the inhibition of money because of free educational platforms. People are excited to live right now and feel all the amazing possibilities around us. Though it has to be said, many are not.

Yes, it is not hard to see the chaos around us as we enter into this massive change being experienced by all on planet earth right now. Where is it leading us to? From the individual perspective of me and you, it leads us to our death, as it always has, as the world keeps spinning along.

With this understanding, I am choosing to empower myself and empower others to receive the most from life and to give the most to life. To take responsibility and to live life through the body we have been given with a sense of purpose, vibrant health and right action.

From the moment we are born till the day we die we get to experience this chaotically scary, fun, sad, happy, exhausting, energizing, sensual, overwhelming, beautiful experience called life. It is ultimately a love story that starts at conception to the very last day of our life. This searching of love, attaining it then letting it go, trying to hold onto it right till our very last breath. This thing called love with its adversary fear, playing out in our ever day lives, is the source of what keeps this fire of life going.

Yet how can I transcend the everyday chaos of human life? How can I make the best of this life while I am alive? Death this ominous thing which I got to experience from the outside, seeing my mother’s lifeless body for those three hours, has become an ally in making my life a truly loving experience where I feel and sense that love is the source of humanity’s nature.

To live life as if our actions truly matter. This is what I want to explore through my writings, business, relationships, in all facets of life. My intention is to continually get clarity so I can be a better human and be a positive force for change, that I want to see in the world.

I love this world, I love the people and I love this life. I may not like all the human behaviours happening right now, but I love every single person on this planet for the simple reason that they came out of the womb of their mother just like me and we are all participating in this mysterious play together. We are all collectively writing the script called life.

Let’s continually write one that embraces this love, who’s power can transform and serve humanity today and for the generations still to come.